All at once
by Tim's My Guy 21
Summary: Set after season two. May have some of Season 3 moments. Jude's Pov. She is dealing with the pictures and Tommy leaving. Time Heals the pain but the scars stay. See how it ends.
1. The beginning

This takes place after season 2. I haven't put anything from the new season. I might work some of the plot into this, I'm not sure yet. Everything has happened in season 2 in this story like in season two on the show. It takes place a few months after Tommy leaving.

I will try and update this as much as possible. For those of you who have read my stories Always There and You're Saying Goodbye, you know I am unable to update them. Hopefully I will be able to update them soon. I will be able to update this more, I just don't know when.

I don't own anything, just the main idea.

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All At Once

Chapter One – The Beginning

A few months back everything was fine. I still had what mattered most to me. I still had Tommy, he hadn't left yet. He was still here helping me make it through everyday.

Now I sit here today wondering what to do. You see the night he left, I had a nervous breakdown. I left my CD release party to find comfort in the one person I knew would help me. Mason. He's my best friend besides Tommy and Jamie. Mason has helped me through many things. Like when Spied and I were fighting. He really helped me in the first couple of weeks after Tommy's disappearance. He let me cry on his shoulder late at night when I couldn't sleep because I was having nightmares of the night he left.

Mason had left two days before Tommy did to start his tour. So when Tommy did his little disappearing act, I fled to Barrie to be with Mason. He was in the middle of his set when I arrived so he was unable to tend to my rapidly breaking heart. So as I waited for his set to be over, I sat at the bar. And as I waited a guy, who at the time I thought was just a fan, asked if he could get a picture. You know me; I can't let down my fans so I agreed. After the picture he bought me a shot, and another, and another. By the time Mason finished his set I was trashed beyond belief. I remember him telling me he had a few more interviews to do. I also told him I wasn't going to make it.

He gave me the keys to his room, and went back to do his interviews. The guy from before comes up to me with a shot and says one for the road. And the last thing I know is I was up in the room and seeing some sort of flash but not knowing where it came from.

So now back to me sitting here. You probably want to know where here is. I am in Studio A looking at pictures of me passed out. You could say I now know what those flashes were. I don't know what to do. I can't go to Darius; He'll have a cow. _How could I have been so stupid? _I thought.

"_Man this is so messed up."_

"_What is?"_ I hear from behind me. I turn to see Kwest standing in the doorway.

"_Nothing."_ I reply a little to quickly. Only to receive a look that says "Yeah I am sure it's nothing."

"_Jude you know you can tell me. I won't judge you." _

"_Yeah I know." _I pause, "_But I am not sure I am ready to tell anyone. When I decide I'll call you." _ I tell him, hoping he'll drop the subject.

"_Okay Jude, but I was trying to help."_

"_I know Kwest, and I appreciate it, but I am just a little passed being in over my head." _Trying to get him to understand that I don't need any help.

"_Does this have anything to do with Tommy being gone?" _Now, what on earth would have him believe that any of this had to do with Tommy?

"_No, Kwest It doesn't. It has absolutely nothing do with Tommy. It has to do with what happened on the night of my release party._" I spat angrily at him. _This had nothing to do with him. Why is he butting in?_ I thought to myself.

"_What happened, Jude?_" He pleaded. I can't tell him. He'll tell Darius. I kept telling myself.

"_Nothing Kwest. And if it was something, I'm not telling you. I'm going to go now. Tell Darius that I am taking a few days off." _I tell him as I grab my stuff.

"_I'll tell him."_

"_Thanks Kwest."_ I thanked him and walked out of Studio A and out of G-major.

I was going to get in my car and drive home but I decided to take a walk and clear my head. Maybe I'll find a way to deal with the photos. I don't know how long I had been walking but somehow I ended up at this little park. I sat down on the swings and remembered the last time I was on a swing. It had been Jamie and Kat. We were thirteen and it was at a park down the street from my house.

**-Flashback-**

"_Where do you see yourself in ten years?"_ I asked my friends.

"_I see myself as a high end fashion designer. And married to Johnny Depp." _My best friend Kat replied. Her answer made me giggle. And make Jamie make a retching sound.

"_Ew, Kat he is SO Old. And I see myself still best friends with you guys. But also I want to be a big A&R Rep guy for the music business. How about you Jude, where do you see yourself in ten years?_" He said proud of his goal.

"_I see myself as a full fledged musician."_ I said looking at the sand beneath my feet.

"_We should have seen that coming, huh, Kat."_ Jamie remarked with a laugh.

_"Yeah we should have. But it is nice to know that I'm not the only one who want to make it big somehow_." Kat told him.

"_Yeah but I don't want to just make music and sing. I want people to feel what I was feeling when I wrote the song. Or they know exactly what I was thinking when I wrote it because they went through it too or are going through it. You know what I mean?" _I asked hoping they would understand.

"_Yeah we know." _They replied simultaneously

**-End Flashback-**

That day was a great day. We had no cares in the world. We were only kids. We didn't know what the future had in store for us. Who knew Kat and me wouldn't be friends. That Jamie and I would've dated. Or that he would have Patsy, someone who is the complete opposite of him. I didn't see any of these things. I always thought we would be friends forever. I didn't think that there would be a day when I didn't talk to them. Then again I never thought Tommy would leave or that these pictures would happen, but he did and so did they. So I guess I was wrong.

I'm not sure how long I sat there. But by the time the memory faded, it was dark. I grabbed my phone to see what time it was. It read 6:45. I open it to find I have three missed calls and three new voicemails. I scroll down the list to see who called me. One was Sadie, and one was Darius. The last one was, the one that screamed at me the most. It was a blocked number.

"_I wonder who that could be."_ I wondered out loud. I got up from the swing I was on and started to head back to G-major. I was ready to go home and since I didn't know how long of a walk it would be back, I decided to listen to my messages. I did all the necessary things, to listen to them. _"You have three new messages,"_ the automated voice said to me. _"First new message."_

"_Jude its Darius. I need you to come back to the studio. I need to talk to you. Hopefully you can be back here by 7:30. It is important that I tell you this tonight. See you soon. Bye."_ Fast and to the point, just like Darius.

"_Next new message" _That stupid voice said.

"_Jude its Sadie. Darius is looking for you. You've been gone for over an hour and no one knows where you are. Darius said he called you but you didn't answer. He did say that when I got through to tell you that you absolutely need to be here by 7:30. I'm worried about you; call me when you get this. Love you Bye._" Just like Sadie, She worries over everything. I deleted it, and waited for the next message. Surprised by whom it was from.

"_Hey…_" I know that voice. I have missed that voice. "_Man, Jude, I am sorry. I don't know what to say_." He didn't know what to say. He is the one that left me. And he didn't know what to say. Typical Tommy. "_I never meant to leave the way I did. There were some things Darius needed me to take care of. I don't really want to tell you this over the phone or in a message. I called from a blocked number because I didn't think you would pick up if you knew it was me. I just got off the phone with Darius; he said you didn't answer his call or Sadie's. I hope you're okay girl. I was calling to tell you I would be home tonight, some time around 7:00…. I missed you girl. Bye."_ I saved the message and closed my phone and put it back in my pocket.

"_He's home. Great, just what I need_." I thought bitterly. **"_Jude stop. He said it was for Darius."_**_ "Yeah but he still left and said he wasn't coming back." **"Yeah but he ****is**_**_ back,_" **I argued with myself.

**-Flashback-**

I was waiting for him at the restaurant. He was late. I saw his car pull up and I fixed my hair. He looked angry.

"_I have a plane to catch." _He said, standing before a very worried/confused/hurt me. His blue eyes looked pained, and he was fidgeting with the bottom of his jacket.

"_Just sit. Talk to me." _I pleaded. This couldn't be happening. It was our fist date. He glanced out the window, and I wanted to look back, but I was afraid that if I lost sight of him, he would disappear

"_I don't think I'll be coming back." _He said slowly before shrugging_. "Bye." _With that he turned and walked out the door. I jumped up. Wanting to run after him.

"_Tommy!"_

"_Miss. Should I print up your bill?" _The waiter asked I let out a frustrated sigh before throwing some amount of money at him and rushing out the door.

"_Tommy!" _I called again. But he didn't listen. He just got into the car, some bald man in the passengers seat_. "Tommy! Tommy! Tom! TOM!" _I kept yelling, and banging on the passengers door. But he just sped off and didn't look back, leaving me alone to break down in the middle of the street.

**-End Flashback-**

I started to cry as I remembered that horrible night. I dropped to my knees and cried. I cried for the pictures. I cried for Tommy leaving. I cried for my mom's departure and marriage to Don. I cried for everything that has happened to me in the past two years.

When my tears subsided, I wiped my eyes and got off the ground. I was glad no one was around. I pulled my phone from my pocket to find that it read 7:20. I had ten minutes to get back to G-major. I looked up and noticed I was across the street. I looked both ways before crossing. Before I walked to the doors of G-major, I wiped my eyes one last time and took a deep breath. Dreading what was beyond the doors.


	2. The Truth

Again I own nothing but the idea. Thanks to all of you who have reviewed. All of them made me smile.

Chapter 2 – The Truth 

I took a deep breath and opened the doors. Everything was the same as when I left except most of the interns had gone home. I looked over to the receptionist desk to see Sadie and Kwest talking. She was laughing at something he had said. Her eyes were glowing with happiness, something mine hadn't done in moths.

"_Hey Sadie, Kwest."_ I say walking up to them.

"_Jude! Where have you been?" _Sadie asked as she pulled me into a bone-crushing hug.

"_Can't breathe anymore Sades_" I gasp out. She let me go, mumbling a sorry.

"_So, where were you Red_?" Kwest asked using the nickname he gave me when I had red hair.

"_I went for a walk. I was going to go home, but something in me told me that I needed some fresh air and a good walk to clear my head." _I replied with a sigh.

"_Are you okay Jude?" _A worried Sadie asked.

"_Yeah I am just tired and I have something going on but I am fine."_

"_Jude you know…"_

"_Yeah I know Kwest, but I am not ready to talk just yet. I'll talk when I am ready and right now I'm just not. And right now I have to go see Darius. So if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go there before he bites my head off." _I replied cutting him off before he could finish his statement.

As I was walking away I heard Sadie ask him_, "Do you think she knows Tommy's back?"_

I couldn't hear what Kwest said because I was already at Darius' office. Just as I was about to knock I heard voices coming from the office

"_Come on Darius you can't be serious."_

"_You know I am. Right now I am thinking about what is best for Jude. She has been in a funk since you left." _Darius replied letting me know exactly whom he was talking to. Tommy.

_Great, I was hoping this meeting with him would be later, _I sadly thought.

_"Yeah but I need to work with her D. You know we are the best Artist and Producer team you have._" Tommy begged.

"_You're right T." _I heard Darius reply before I knocked on the door. I wanted to get this meeting over with so I could go home and cry myself to sleep like I had been doing for quite some time now.

"_Come In" _Yelled Darius' booming voice, causing me jump a little in surprise. I slowly opened the door, making sure I didn't look at Tommy.

"_You wanted to see me D." _I said sounding a lot like a wounded puppy

"_Yeah Jude. Why is it that I heard from Kwest that you are taking a few days off and not from you?" _He asked sounding very angry.

"_I… I… I…" _I stammered out.

"_You what Jude?" _he all but yelled at me.

I was about to cry. I knew I couldn't tell him the truth, He'd be so angry. So would Tommy. I looked over at him. He was looking at something on his shirt, looking more than a little uncomfortable.

"_This is why._" I whispered as I pulled the envelope from my pocket. I opened it and paused before spilling it contents on his desk. "_I'm being blackmailed. This is what really happened in Barrie._" I cried. I watched him look at each and every picture and cried.

"_Jude how could you be so… so…"_ Darius started to yell.

"_Stupid." _I whispered finishing his sentence for him

"_Stupid. Yeah that is the right Word. How could you be so stupid?" _He yelled at me

"_This wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for you, Darius." _I yelled at him, roughly wiping my eyes dry

"_My fault? How is this my fault?" _He bellowed at me.

"_You made him leave." _I barely whispered. I wasn't even sure anyone had heard me. Sadie ran into the room looking like a dear caught in headlights.

"_What is going on in here? We heard yelling." _She asked referring to her and Kwest who was now behind her.

"_Sadie, did you know Jude was being blackmailed?" _Darius asked.

"_No, No one knew. I just found out. Kwest walked in as I was looking at the pictures but I would let him in on what was going on." _I told him before any one of them had a chance to respond. I could feel all four pairs of eyes staring at me.

"_Jude, How could you not tell me? I'm your sister." _She asked me hurt

"_What'd you want to do? Did you want me to run to you crying? Ask you for help? Answer me this, How were going to help me? You got 50 grand Sadie?" _She shook her head no, trying to hold back her tears._ "Didn't think so." _I know I sounded like a total bitch but can you say you blame me. I am a little more than stressed.

"_That is enough Jude." _Kwest said as if he were my father_. " Don't take this out on Sadie. She didn't do anything. It's not her fault." _He said as he held a sobbing Sadie.

"_No, Kwest it's not enough. I know it's not her fault. It's mine, I could have stayed here and had a great release party instead I went to Barrie, knowing I could find the one person who could help me through this. But he was too busy so I found another way to forget what was going on around me. So thank you for pointing out whose fault it was. Cause I sure as hell didn't know it was ME!"_I screamed at them. I got up to leave but I turned around and looked straight at Darius._ "So, how about you give me those days off. And I will come in when I am ready to face you all again." _I turned to leave and when I got to the door I looked over to Tommy who had been really quiet this whole time_. "Welcome home. Bet you weren't expecting that." _I saw him shake his head no before I shut the door behind me.

I ran to my car, got in and sat there crying. I hit my head and fists against the steering wheel a couple of times, I think I even screamed. But it wasn't until I heard someone knock on my window that I realized I was no longer alone. I turned expecting to be Tommy but to my surprise it was Sadie.

"_Jude, please talk to me_." She begged through my window.

Rolling down my window_, "What do you want me to talk about_?" I asked tiredly. Truthfully I was glad it was Sadie.

"_Will you please come back inside and we can talk in Studio C. Privately." _She begged.

"_Yeah Sadie. I'll meet you there in ten."_

"_Okay, I'll be there." _She was walking away with her head down like she had been defeated, when I realized I needed her to do something for me.

"_Hey Sadie, Can you do me a favor?" _I asked hopefully.

"_Yeah Jude"_

"_Can you tell Darius and Kwest, even Tommy, that I would like to talk you all, when we are done talking?" _I asked, pleading with my eyes that she would say yes.

"_Yeah I can do that. So I'll see you in ten?"_

"_Yeah. I just need a few minutes to myself." _I told her truthfully.

I watched her nod her head and walk away. I wish none of this was happening. So much would be better if it hadn't been happening

**Meanwhile**

_"T, What did she mean, by I made him leave?_" Darius asked after Sadie went to go find Jude. "_Who'd I make leave?_"

_"I'm not sure Darius. I don't think she was talking about me_." Tommy lied knowing full well it was him, She was referring to.

_"Then that leaves Liam. And I seriously doubt that they had anything going on between them_." He said and saw Tommy shudder at the mere thought.

Before Tommy could respond there was a knock on the door.

"_Come in." _Darius called_." Sadie, what can I help you with?"_

"_I know you are mad at her but she is only human." _She said.

"_Yeah I know, but she shouldn't have yelled at me like that Sadie. I am her boss."_

"_Well she wants to talk to all of us. Her and I are going to talk first." _She turned to leave and pause at the door._ "By the way welcome home Tommy." _She said smiling at him.

"_Thanks Sades." _And with that she was gone to meet Jude.

"_Can I go D? I have a feeling that this is going to be one hell of a night. And I haven't eaten and I'm starving." _Tommy said really wanting to get something to eat

"_Go, but be back. Remember Jude needs to talk to us," _He tells Tommy letting him go_. "Wait T, before you go, how's my girl doing?"_

"_She's doing good. She's back at my apartment with the nanny. I'll bring her to you tomorrow. Bye D." _And with that he left with his head down not watching where he was going.

I got out of my car and made it back into G-major. I was walking with my eyes downcast to Studio C. I walked right into someone; luckily they caught me before I hit the floor.

"_Whoa Girl, you okay?" _He asked_. God, how I have missed him call me 'girl'. _

"_Yeah I'm okay. Just a little distracted."_ I say looking at my feet. Too afraid to look him in the eye. Realizing he was still holding me, I quickly got out of his grip. But feeling cold with the loss of contact.

"_I guess I'll see you later. And I am Sorry." _He walked right passed me and out of G-major. All I could do was turn and stare at his retreating back.

_Why was he sorry? It wasn't his fault. _I thought to myself as I made way to Studio C. By the time I had gotten there, Sadie was already sitting there nervously wringing her hands.

"_Hey Sades." _I greeted sadly.

"_Jude I am sorry."_ She apologized to me.

"_For what Sades? You didn't do anything. I am the one who should be apologizing. I yelled at you, remember?" _I looked down at my hands that were playing the hem of my shirt.

She put her hands over mine. _"Yeah, but as your sister I felt you should have told me first."_

"_Yeah I should have. But I only found out like an hour and a half before I told Darius and Tommy, and even then I was still trying to let it sink in." _I told her sincerely

"_But I didn't know that. I thought you had known for a few days. Sorry." _Acting as if it were her fault that this was happening to me.

"_Quit apologizing to me. It's no one's fault but my own. I should have kept my emotions in check that night, but I didn't so now this is my consequence." _I was getting sick of her apologies. _"Are we cool? I don't blame you for this nor do I blame anyone else. This was my doing, so I'll clean up the mess I made."_ Hugging my sister who looked as if she were about to cry.

"_You're so grown up." _She told me through her tears.

"_Yeah well it had to happen sooner or later. I guess it just happened sooner than we all expected." _Laughing at how girlie we were acting. We were crying and hugging like we hadn't seen each other in months. Then she had to go and ask the one question I had been dreading the most to answer.

_"How are you doing with Tommy being back?"_

"_I'll let you know when I know."_ She looked surprised. _"What?"_ I asked innocently.

"_I just thought you would cry, yell, throw something or do all three." _She said.

"_I think an hour ago I would have but after seeing him and with the pictures, I guess I just haven't gotten to fully realize that he is here again. You know what I mean?" _She nodded her head yes. _"I haven't really talked to him. So it is like he really isn't here. The most I've talked to him was when I left D's office." _Letting her know what I was somewhat feeling on the situation.

"_Jude, I'm sorry." _She apologized again for I don't know what reason.

"_For what Sades?"_ I asked confused on why she was apologizing again.

_"For not always being there._"

"_Yeah but you are trying to be and that's what matters." _I told her.

"_So we're good."_ She stated in the form of a question.

"_We're better than good, we're fantastic!" _I told her truthfully.

"_Are you ready to face everyone?" _She wondered.

"_No, but I am as ready as I'll ever be."_ Taking a deep breath and standing up._ "Let's Go."_

"_Yeah let's go." _She said as she grabbed my hand and led me to the door.


	3. The Meeting

I am sorry that it has taken me this long to update this. I have had many personal issues take place in the last two weeks. And before that I had Finals. So I am back and should be updating this more often. And I promise if I don't you can send me hate mail. But all of you who write know how hard it is to update all the time when you have things going on. But I apologize times a million. I do not own anything you recognize and the song is from Avril Lavigne. But here we go for Chapter 3.

**Chapter 3 – The Meeting**

Right now I feel a little out of my element. I am unable to control any on my emotions right now. Because First I am crying then I am yelling and then I am crying again. I am sitting here in the conference room waiting for Sadie to come back with everyone. I feel stupid for freaking on everyone, especially Darius but it is my life and they can't always help when I am in a crisis. He is going to be so angry at me because I know he sees me as an adult and sometimes forgets that I am only 17.

"_Jude, we're here. What'd you want to talk to us about?" _Kwest asked as they all entered the room. I looked up from staring at the table. I saw that Darius wouldn't look at me, Sadie was sitting next to Kwest and Tommy wasn't there.

"_I wanted to say sorry." I told them. _Kwest nodded his head in understanding_. "First to you Darius," _He turned his head in my direction_. "You have put up with me through a lot of my crap and I am grateful for that. I shouldn't have yelled at you. I was scared. I didn't want you angry at me." _I told him hoping he would understand_. "And Kwest, I shouldn't have snapped at you when you were defending Sadie and when we were in studio A." _He opened his mouth to say something but I put my hand up to silence him_. "Don't I'm not done. And I need to get this out. You were just trying to help and I thank you for that. You are like the big brother I never had and I know you were just making sure I was okay." _By the time I was done, he had me in his arms hugging me.

"_Jude, you're like my lil' sister. And I can forgive you for anything you say." _ He whispered in my ear. Darius had yet to say anything and I was starting to get worried.

"_Its late guys, you should go home. Sadie I'll be another hour or two, I have a song I need to write and record." _I told her.

"_You Sure, I'll stay if you want." _She said.

"_Yeah I'm sure. You should get some rest and I need to be alone for a little while."_

"_I'll see you at home then. Come on Kwest, let's go get something to eat I'm starving." _Sadie told him while dragging Kwest from the room.

"_Bye Red." _He yelled on his way out.

I sat there waiting for Darius to say something. I was too afraid to speak anyway. He kept staring at me with his look that could kill if they were able too. I knew that the look wouldn't but he only gave it when trying to scare you and at the moment he was scaring the hell out of me.

"_D. Say something,"_ Okay so the silence was getting to me after a few minutes.

"_What do you want me to say?"_ I opened my mouth to answer but he cut me off before I got a chance to. _"I'll tell you what. I'm angry but I am willing to forgive you. You are my number one artist and you mean a lot to me, not only as my artist but as a friend. More importantly I think of you as a daughter. So I will help you with this. I don't want to see you hurt and situations like this can get way out of hand." _ I had tears streaming down my face; I couldn't believe he thought of me as a daughter.

"_D. I don't know what to say," _I told him truthfully.

"_You don't have to say anything."_

"_Thank you. And I am so sorry for the way I treated you. Because the truth is you're like my second dad and I love you. You have helped me through a lot." _I tell him while I give him a hug.

"_You're welcome Jude. But I have to get going. So lock up when you're done. I'll see you in a few days." _He said pulling me into a hug again before walking out of the room.

I sat there a few minutes before walking to studio A. I had a lot of work to do. For the fact: that I had nothing for my third Album. I sat down in a chair in front of the soundboard. I pushed a few buttons to see who the last person to record was. To my surprise, I heard the opening notes of "White lines." _**Someone must've been listening to my CD. But who? I thought to myself**_; as the song went into the chorus and I started to sing along. I grabbed my notebook to start writing my first hit.

"_White lines will bring me home." _I stopped the song for it was too painful to listen to, knowing it was about Tommy, and that Tommy knew it was about him.

"_You know you should keep singing," _A voice from behind said.

"_You know it's not polite to eavesdrop." _I replied.

"_I'm sorry I missed the meeting, but I hadn't eaten and I was starving. And I must admit I thought your talk with Sadie would last a little longer." _He said to me.

"_Why are you here Tommy?" _I asked exhausted.

"_I came because I saw that the lights were still on and I think we need to talk." _He replied just as tired.

"_Yeah well, I have work to do. So you think we could talk later?" _Hoping he would leave

"_Yeah but do you want any help?" __**Why wasn't he getting the clue that I wanted him to leave? I thought.**_

"_Give me 20 minutes to myself and then you can press record but would you mind…" _I paused biting my lip and looked at him.

"_Would I mind what?" _He asked. His eyes shining for me to say stay.

"_Would you mind not listening until I'm done? I am not ready for you to hear it just yet." _I said hoping he would understand.

"_Yeah Girl. Whatever you want." _He replied sounding defeated and left the room.

So I wrote and wrote for the last 20 minutes scratching out anything that didn't work and putting what did. I saw his jacket on the couch and really wanted to grab it and put it on. But instead I starred at it for a little while. I heard him clear his throat letting me know that my time was up.

"_You ready to do this?"_ He asked_**Wow Major Déjà vu, I thought, don't go there Jude.**_

"_Yeah just let me grab my acoustic." _I grabbed it from its place next to the couch. _"I'm ready when you are."_

"_I'm ready; by the way does this song have a name?" __**Yeah but I don't want you knowing it, I thought.**_

"_Yeah, it's __When you're Gone__," _I told him letting the title sink in for a minute.

"_Okay. __When you're gone__, take one in 4, 3, 2, and 1."_

I strummed my guitar and opened my mouth to sing one of the hardest songs in my career.

"_I always needed time on my own  
I never thought I'd  
need you there when I cry  
And the days feel like years when I'm alone  
And the bed where you lie  
is made up on your side_

When you walk away  
I count the steps that you take  
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone  
The pieces of my heart are missing you  
When you're gone  
The face I came to know is missing too  
When you're gone  
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day  
And make it OK  
I miss you

I've never felt this way before  
Everything that I do  
reminds me of you  
And the clothes you left  
they lie on the floor  
And they smell just like you  
I love the things that you do

When you walk away  
I count the steps that you take  
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone  
The pieces of my heart are missing you  
When you're gone  
The face I came to know is missing too  
When you're gone  
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day  
And make it OK  
I miss you

We were made for each other  
out here forever  
I know we were  
yeah, yeahhh

All I ever wanted was for you to know  
Everything I do I give my heart and soul  
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me  
Yeah

When you're gone  
The pieces of my heart are missing you  
When you're gone  
The face I came to know is missing too  
When you're gone  
The words I need to hear will always get me through the day  
And make it OK  
I miss you"

So by the time I was done singing I was unable to look at him. I know I told him not to listen but that doesn't mean that I didn't know who the song was for and the fact that he was sitting there staring at me didn't help any either. So I sat there for a few minutes to clear my head. When I finally did look up he was just sitting there staring at me like I knew he would be. It was kind of unnerving. I gave him a small smile and made my way back into the sound booth to my usual chair next to Tommy.

"_So you ready to listen?" _I asked him after he kept staring into the recording booth.

"_Only if you let me." _He said to me.

"_Tommy, please don't be like that." _

"_Be like what?" _He asked defensively.

"_Like I'm shutting you out. Like I hurt you and did all these horrible things to you. When you know what is going on in my life." _I told him on a sigh.

"_But you are shutting me out. First you won't let me tell you why I left. Second you wouldn't let me be in here while you were writing your lyrics. Thirdly I was only aloud to press record and not listen to the song while you recorded it. I think that is shutting someone out." _He told me angrily.

"_Do you remember the night we recorded __White Lines__?" _He nodded his head yes. _"And How I told you it was about you?"_ he shook his head yes again. _"Well same with tonight's song. I had to get it out before I chickened out, but more importantly I wouldn't have been able to do it if I knew you were listening."_

"_Oh."_ Was all he could say.

We sat there for a few minutes before he finally pressed play to play back my song. I could see him bobbing his head to the beat and making mental notes on what he thinks should be changed, as was I.

"_I think you should add piano, a little drums and it should be a hit." _ He told me after the song was long over.

"_Yeah I think you're right." _I replied after a minute or two of silence.

"_So."_ We said at the exact same time. I giggled and he did his neck scratching thing of his.

"_How come this is so awkward for us Tommy?" _I asked him but kept talking. _"We used to be able to about anything. We could sit here for hours and talk about everything and nothing at the same time. Why has it changed? I'm still me and you're still you."_

"_Maybe it is because of me being gone. I haven't talked to you and you haven't talked to me. And you are still hurt by the way I left and all the other stuff so you feel blocked. And now we feel like we no longer know each other like we used to. We've changed." _He told me.

"_Is that your way of telling me we really need to talk about why you left? Using that we've changed and now no longer know each other like we once did?" _I asked knowing full well that, that was what he was doing.

He smiled, _"Maybe!"_

"_Fine tell me."_ I demanded.

"_You probably don't know this but Darius has a daughter." _I was shocked, I had no idea. He laughed at my expression._ "Okay now you know. So her mom just started drinking again, so he sent the one person he trusts the most besides Portia to go and get her, meaning me. And it happened to be on the night I was going to take us on our first date."_

"_Wow that explains a lot." _I tell him after it sinks in for a minute.

"_I'm sorry, I didn't tell you that night. So many things were going on and I think I found it easier just not telling you the truth." _He Apologized.

"_You know, you really scared me when you said you weren't coming back." _I tell him choking back tears.

"_Girl, don't cry. I'm sorry but that night I didn't know if I was coming back. From what I was told I wasn't coming back. If it was up to me I wouldn't have left, we would have gone on our date and we would be together. Not this, where I'm not your producer, us not being able to talk like we used too and it just being weird with you around." _ He tells me.

_**Wait did he just say that he isn't my producer. Oh no, that won't work, he has to be. I thought.**_

"_Did you just say you're NOT my producer?" _I ask him

"_Yeah, that is what D. was telling me when you came in." _ He tells me

"_But why??? We work great together. He knows this, so why isn't he letting us work together again?" _I explain to him.

"_I think it has to do with the attachment we have with each other."_

"_But he knows I haven't been able to work without you... He knows I have been blocked for the last couple of months with out you." _Sighing for like the millionth time tonight.

"_Jude, let's get this song done. Have Darius listen to it and show him we still have it and maybe just maybe he'll let us work together." _Tommy says to me.

"_Yeah maybe you're right, but I'll have to call Sadie and let her know I won't be home… So give me 5 minutes and I'll be back."_ I tell him while fishing my phone out of my pocket and walking out to the hospitality.

I press and hold three; I grab a bottle of water as I wait for Sadie to pick up the phone.

"_Hello?"_

"_Sadie, its Jude. I'm calling to tell you I will be home later than expected."_

"_Why Jude? You finally get a song written?" _ She asks.

"_Yeah, Tommy and I are going to record and finish it to give to Darius in the morning. To be my first single from my third album."_

"_You and Tommy. Okay now I am awake. I thought you were mad at him?" _She asks.

"_I was but something changed. We were sitting in the studio and we were unable to talk like we used to and it made me realize that… that…I don't know." _I tell her confusingly.

"_It made you realize that you missed him too much to be mad at him. And even though he hurt you, you still love him. And it scares you that you might not be able to know him like you once did." _She pauses to what seemed like to shh someone, which sounded a lot like Kwest telling her to tell me Hi. _"Does that Help?"_

I gulp, _"Yeah. Why is it that no matter what he does and no matter what happens between us, I love him? And somehow know deep down one day it will change and there will be no more pain and we will be happy?"_

"_Because you love him and deep down you know he loves you too. Now I would really like to get back to sleep so I'll talk to you later."_ Typical Sadie always needing her beauty sleep.

"_I'll let you get back to sleep. Tell Kwest good-night for me." _I laugh as I hear her gasps.

"_How'd you know?" _She asks.

"_You can't hide everything from me, plus I heard him tell you to tell me he said hi. And then you shh'd him."_ Laughing at how stupid she could be sometimes.

"_Bye Jude."_

"_Bye Sadie and Kwest." _I say in a singsong voice and right before she hung up I heard Kwest yell bye.

I closed my phone and walked back to Studio A. I look in the window to see Tommy sitting there, tweaking the knobs on the sound board. He never could wait to work on music. I set my hand on the door knob but pulled it back so I could watch him work his magic on my song. I always like watching him do this. He always looks so happy and content; I wish I could feel that way again. Ever since he left, I haven't been happy. There has been one big problem, after another. I grab the door knob again, time to face the music.

There you have Chapter 3. I am truly sorry for not updating. It will get better I promise. I will update more. I hope you enjoy. R&R.


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